I’m not coming here often for a very personal reason. I can’t feel sorry or whatever and I hope anybody who happen to stumble in this little tribute I have for my daughter Anne Sherina understands me.

If you happened to reach this place because you are also in grief… I hope this blog helped one way or another.

I believe that recovery is not impossible, but we don’t have to push our selves.

It’s been a long while since I got a new post for this blog. It’s not that I’ve forgotten you already my darling angel. I know that you know the hard times I got with and I know that you understand why I can’t push my self to write.

I came over an email from griefshare just awhile ago and it’s a great relief to know that there’s an assurance for us to be together once again and that when that time comes, we’ll never be apart ever again.

Jesus said… “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26).

I believe what Jesus said with all my heart and mind and I know that this is an assurance that we’ll eventually be together again.

Happy birthday anak. In my heart you live on.

I dreamed about my little angel last night. I wasn’t able to be with her during the time she was sick, but in this dream it seems that I am. It was a very sad scene because I’m looking at her so sick that she’s almost lifeless. At one instance I just sat on a corner and cried. My tears went out so carelessly that it seems not a dream. I woke up this morning feeling that it wasn’t a dream after all.

Yea, if it is about losing your own child, things are really a lot different than anything else. It is far worst than any grief you’ll ever have in your life. The feelings about it is not the fleeting kind. No matter how much you force your self to get over it so you can move on, still it’s not really going away too soon. I really can’t explain this feelings and I know it’s only God who can.

The grief of losing a child is something you’ll never get over with. It’ll stay forever.

Today is the start of the year. For me, it’s just another ordinary day. Since you’re gone nothing seems to be good. It’s just another day longing for you my dear.

LORD, I thank you for not deserting me mo matter what adversity came into my life. I know You are there with Anne Sherina watching from above waiting for the moment me and my precious one will reunite. It might not be too soon but I know it’s bound to happen. Thank you LORD for the Hope and Strength that you gave me; with that, I was able to survive every challenge the world could give.

I can feel you in my hair whispering just about anything. Your voice is still in my ears and my tears won’t dry yet. You are shining from above watching over us, I know. You are there waiting for the moment we’ll be together again, I believe. I’m missing you so much my baby.

I really don’t know how to deal with my feelings. I’m in a situation where I can’t go where your memories are laid. It’s true that somehow I’m getting through the situation I’m in right now because I’m always busy. But, it’s never that easy afterall. I sleep late so it’s going to be a deep one when I retire at the end of the day so I won’t encounter dreams often. Because I hate it when I see you sad in my dreams. I’ll get through this somehow but it’ll never be that easy because I missing you so much.

I’ve lost love ones in my lifetime, but losing someone that came from your being is so different. Days, months and years may pass us by but the feeling of longing for your precious one is always there.

Dr. H. Norman Wright says, “Sudden death is a shock to the system. It can often plunge a person into a crisis state. It’s the suddenness of it that’s just overwhelming. You don’t have the resources. It stops you from your walk through life.” as I read it from my my Griefshare Daily Emails today. This holds to be true because losing a child is like losing a part of your future. It’s stopping from the middle of nowhere without knowing where to start over again.

It is so different really. This kind feeling that no words can’t explain seem to last forever.

Please tell me LORD how am I going to get through this.