Picking Up the Pieces

Reality bites but I know I got to pick up the pieces of my broken self. I know it is really tough and may even be tougher than I thought. I have to pick up the pieces and move on. But, no matter what baby, you’re always part of that moving on. Though you’re not around you’re always deep in my heart. Yea, moving on doesn’t mean there’s a need to forget every single thing about you. I know it means living with your memories and they become sweeter each day.

How Do You Deal with Grief?

This blog is all about how I’m dealing with the biggest loss I ever had in my lifetime. As you can see the entries have no rules, sometimes I’m coping and sometimes everything’s back to where it all started “zero”. Yea I admit, grief on losing a precious part of your being is the loneliest emotion for being human. I’m still into deep sorrow because of losing Anne. I know it’s normal and I’m not giving myself a timetable on when I expect my self to have fully recovered. Sometimes I fell like I don’t want recovery to ever come to me instead. But I know that God will make a way for me to deal with this heartbreaking emotion.

I guess it’s about time for me to ask others on how they deal with their grief? I’m moving on but I admit that I can’t do it alone.

How do you deal with grief?

Sharing My Journey

I know that it’ll take time until I’ll fully recover from losing my precious child. I might not even recover at all. I’m sharing this blog and my journey that I might help others deal with their grief. I know dealing with such affliction is not an easy task. But remember that “God will always make a way when there seems to be no way”. There’s always hope.

Sharing my grief and recovery through this blog makes me feel better. Every time I see people going over this blog and somehow I touch their hearts I feel I’m doing something that my daughter wants me to do. Seeing people reading my entries and waiting for my upcoming entries inspires me to write more. Thank you appreciating my work.

For those who are having similar affliction like what me and my family is going through right now, get closer to God and you’ll be stronger.

I’ll Always Remember You

Anne Sherina, I think about you all the time. You may not be around but your still a part of my journey. I know the roads are not easy but I know you’re always there to make me stronger day by day. I know that in heaven you still know my name.

I got your name immortalized on earth through this simple tribute I’ve gotten for you. Somehow through this you’re always be a part of my “moving on”. I know you want me to move on in the first place. You’ll always have that part of my heart you’ve gotten from me no matter what the future brings.

I’ll always remember you my baby.

A Lifetime of Pain

Since your gone, living each day at a time was never easy. Sometimes I just wanted to give away this portion I got so I can be with you. The world might not understand my predicament but I know you know so well. I don’t care about how to fly and being high anymore. I just care about being with you. I know it’s unfair to others who’s loving me like you do, but what could be fair with out you.

I know that grief is a feeling not exclusive to me. Some might say you didn’t come from me. But what do they know about my feelings for you.

I hate myself for being too helpless when you needed me most! I should have been by your side to ease your pain. How can live each day like this! Life’s so unkind that I can’t even stand by your side on your darkest hour. I wished to have taken your place but why does our maker didn’t allow me to.

I know the pain you’ve gone through is almost unbearable. My lifetime of pain of losing you is not enough to ease the pain you’ve gone through. I’m so sorry my little one.

It’s Alright, She Says

When I’m sad she comes to me with a thousand smile… it’s alright, it’s alright she says…

I heard that line from a song from a mainstream band. I don’t know to whom it was written for, but I can relate to the song what I’m going through right now.

It seems that those words came from my little angel for me when I’m sad.
When I’m alone I love closing my eyes coz I can see her smile.

I know that she is watching from above and she knows so well when I need her for courage and strength. She’s always there to say it’s alright Papa, things will be just fine.

Writing for Comfort

Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t have the chance to blog my thoughts about my daughter often because of reasons which are beyond my control. Well, I feel happy that I can update this blog again. I don’t know but I can feel a connection with my daughter every time I sign in to this account to update it. This isn’t monetizing in any way, but the joy I’m getting from it knowing that I got something like this as a tribute for my little angel is something money can’t buy.

To those who stumbled upon and dropped some comments, please pardon me for not being able to answer back. Most of the time, I feel shy answering back comments. Thank you for showing your care. Somehow telling our stories gives us little relief for this tormenting grief that’s embracing our lives. I encourage you to write your thoughts also so persons who share same experience learn from each other.

I’ll get through my grief somehow. I’m trying to live with it day by day. I know there’s no cure for this very depressing kind of feeling, but writing my thoughts is relieving my sore heart.

She’s Eight Today

Yea, my little angel is already eight years old today. If she’s still around, maybe she is the prettiest in her class and the most intelligent of course. But she’s not. Sometimes I really wanted to ask God to turn back time but I know that He won’t grant such request.

Now all I’ve got are your memories. I’m happy to say that most of the memories I have with you are beautiful. I almost can see you smiling in front of me by now.

Anne Sherina, you’re always deep in my heart and soul. Time goes by so fast but it will always be the same for you and me. I know time will come that we will be together again.

Happy eight birthday Anne! I love you and I miss you so much! How I wish you were here.

Ohh… I Miss You

I just feel lonely and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m missing you so much my precious one. Words can’t explain how I miss you.

Her Smile Lingers

She’s got the sweetest smile. A smile I can’t stop thinking about. When I remember her laugh or chuckle then give a sweet little smile, oh my! tears can’t help but fall from my eyes. Baby I can see you smiling from heaven. Even in my sleep I hear you whispering name. Saying…

“Papa don’t worry I’m alright. Be strong and don’t give up the fight.”

When I’m down she’s lifting me up. She just smile in front of me saying…

“Pull yourself up together Papa, I’m always at your side!”