It’s different

I’ve lost love ones in my lifetime, but losing someone that came from your being is so different. Days, months and years may pass us by but the feeling of longing for your precious one is always there.

Dr. H. Norman Wright says, “Sudden death is a shock to the system. It can often plunge a person into a crisis state. It’s the suddenness of it that’s just overwhelming. You don’t have the resources. It stops you from your walk through life.” as I read it from my my Griefshare Daily Emails today. This holds to be true because losing a child is like losing a part of your future. It’s stopping from the middle of nowhere without knowing where to start over again.

It is so different really. This kind feeling that no words can’t explain seem to last forever.

Please tell me LORD how am I going to get through this.

How do you deal with grief?

This blog is all about how I’m dealing with the biggest loss I ever had in my lifetime. As you can see the entries have no rules, sometimes I’m coping and sometimes everything’s back to where it all started “zero”. Yea I admit, grief on losing a precious part of your being is the loneliest emotion for being human. I’m still into deep sorrow because of losing Anne. I know it’s normal and I’m not giving myself a timetable on when I expect my self to have fully recovered. Sometimes I fell like I don’t want recovery to ever come to me instead. But I know that God will make a way for me to deal with this heartbreaking emotion.

I guess it’s about time for me to ask others on how they deal with their grief? I’m moving on but I admit that I can’t do it alone.

How do you deal with grief?

A lifetime of pain

Since your gone, living each day at a time was never easy. Sometimes I just wanted to give away this portion I got so I can be with you. The world might not understand my predicament but I know you know so well. I don’t care about how to fly and being high anymore. I just care about being with you. I know it’s unfair to others who’s loving me like you do, but what could be fair with out you.

I know that grief is a feeling not exclusive to me. Some might say you didn’t come from me. But what do they know about my feelings for you.

I hate myself for being too helpless when you needed me most! I should have been by your side to ease your pain. How can live each day like this! Life’s so unkind that I can’t even stand by your side on your darkest hour. I wished to have taken your place but why does our maker didn’t allow me to.

I know the pain you’ve gone through is almost unbearable. My lifetime of pain of losing you is not enough to ease the pain you’ve gone through. I’m so sorry my little one.

A future is lost

A lot of people specially her teachers at school are saying that Anne Sherina is exceptionally intelligent, well mannered, loving and kind. I’m drowning in tears when I see her handwriting which is far more better than a regular fourth year high school student. She really is a lost future. Sometimes I can’t stop my self from thinking of what she might have been when she’s grown up. With her intelligence and great interest for studying, she might have gone far. Her lola (grand mother) said she always find her apo (grandchild) doing her homework everytime she comes to visit Anne Sherina and her brother.

What an emptiness the loss of Anne Sherina had brought into my life. Words can’t explain how I feel. Temporarily few things can make me smile but the thoughts of my precious child always brings longing and loneliness for the reality that she is separated from us until the day our souls reunites again.

Now a choir member in heaven

I felt so guilty about Anne Sherina being gone. So guilty for her brother who was left alone searching for his sibling. It’s melting me down seeing Brennan singing in the choir (where they both sing) during the necrological service. Brennan got no idea that his sister is gone for good. Her mama said Brennan never goes to bed without his sister’s picture. It’s really melting me down.

But what’s keeping me standing right now is that I know that my little one is a choir member in Heaven already. Words really can’t explain the feelings of losing someone so attached with your being; but I know for sure God will wipe our tears away and we can face tomorrow bringing with us the memories of Anne Sherina and in God’s perfect time we will be reunited again.