By now you’re 14 already. Every time I see other kids about your age, I can’t help missing you. I know I’m not updating this blog often because as years go by my longing got its way inside my heart. But tonight I got the strength to do. I miss you so much Annr Sherina.

It’s never easy letting go…

I’m here again in this little tribute I have for Anne Sherina. BTW, this is always an incomplete journal.

Today is Anne Sherina’s 10th birthday. She’s supposed to be a teenager by now. Oh my! it’s really killing me. Kids her age are already grown ups.

It’s almost four years since she went to Jesus and the feelings I have is almost the same from what I felt the day she went away. But the loneliness caused by a loss of a child is really unfathomable. When people starts to just “remember” her you will suddenly develop an extreme feeling of loneliness and longing. It’s really different when it’s your loss. People can’t relate from what you feel unless they’ve suffered the same. I know there are people who understands what I am talking about. I thank them for the empathy.

It’s never really easy letting go of someone you’ve loved so dearly. Some people just don’t understand that sometimes who wanted to talk about it or just need someone to listen to you about your grief, about your loneliness. At times, you feel your feelings are neglected and they just don’t care because it’s not their loss anyway.

It’s really never easy letting go despite acceptance and submission. There seem to be a great hole in my heart that will never be fixed.

I will miss you as long as I live Anne Sherina.

I believe

Every now and then
Soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you, come back again
And it’s like, you haven’t been

Gone a moment from my side
Like the tears we never cried
Like the hands of time
Were pulling you, and me

And with all my heart, I’m sure
We’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see
I’ve got all the proof I need

There are more than angels watching
Over me.. I believe.. ohh, I believe.

Now when you die, your life goes on
It doesn’t end here, when you’re gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends, if I’m right

Our love can even reach, across-
Eternity.. I believe.. ohh, I believe.

Forever, you’re a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
I will hold you even longer
If I can..

Oh, the people who don’t see the most
See that I, believe in ghosts
If that makes me crazy, then I am
Cuz I believe.. ohh, I believe..

There are more than angels watching
Over me.. I believe.. ohh, I believe.

Every now and then
Soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you, come back again..
And I believe..

The same feelings everyday

I’m not coming here often for a very personal reason. I can’t feel sorry or whatever and I hope anybody who happen to stumble in this little tribute I have for my daughter Anne Sherina understands me.

If you happened to reach this place because you are also in grief… I hope this blog helped one way or another.

I believe that recovery is not impossible, but we don’t have to push our selves.

My angel’s nine today

It’s been a long while since I got a new post for this blog. It’s not that I’ve forgotten you already my darling angel. I know that you know the hard times I got with and I know that you understand why I can’t push my self to write.

I came over an email from griefshare just awhile ago and it’s a great relief to know that there’s an assurance for us to be together once again and that when that time comes, we’ll never be apart ever again.

Jesus said… “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26).

I believe what Jesus said with all my heart and mind and I know that this is an assurance that we’ll eventually be together again.

Happy birthday anak. In my heart you live on.

You’re in my dreams last night

I dreamed about my little angel last night. I wasn’t able to be with her during the time she was sick, but in this dream it seems that I am. It was a very sad scene because I’m looking at her so sick that she’s almost lifeless. At one instance I just sat on a corner and cried. My tears went out so carelessly that it seems not a dream. I woke up this morning feeling that it wasn’t a dream after all.

You don’t count the years

Yea, if it is about losing your own child, things are really a lot different than anything else. It is far worst than any grief you’ll ever have in your life. The feelings about it is not the fleeting kind. No matter how much you force your self to get over it so you can move on, still it’s not really going away too soon. I really can’t explain this feelings and I know it’s only God who can.